I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
