Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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