at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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