I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
