Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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