She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
