Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
