Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
