Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
