PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
