i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
