Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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