Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
