There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
