I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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