I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
