I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
