First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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