Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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