Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Barsexuality is the new black.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Two words: nipple clamps
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