have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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