So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
