so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
