She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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