I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
