woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
