I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
