I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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