We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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