standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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