Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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