if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
