Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I queefed so loud it echoed.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize
