I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
