Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
