also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
