never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
