I just saw a hot homeless man
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
