who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
