You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
