I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize
