who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
