Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
