Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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