Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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