well I can't set my house on fire every night
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
