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Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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