I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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