You made me cry and you don't even care
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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