Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
