Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
