I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I should be sponsored by Trojan
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
