Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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