Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
