I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
