just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We just shotgunned beers for America
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
