Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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