I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
