I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize