So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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