Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
