You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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