where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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