i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
