does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
