Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Barsexuality is the new black.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
