i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
