his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize