I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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