also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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