Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
