Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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