I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Randomize
