I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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