they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
