I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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