Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I don't deserve a penis
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
