is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
