i jhust puked up my retainher.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We have started to decorate penises.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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