thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
