I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
