Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
