I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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